Smack in the Middle

I’m a proud member of the middle class. Equidistant from the lower and upper classes, right smack in the middle. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.You might think I’m just rationalizing because I never made it any higher. But that’s simply not true. In the middle is where I belong, where I’m perfectly content to be .

Nordstrom is definitely not for me. Who wants to pay 100 bucks for a shirt? I’m a Costco sorta guy. When I’m a little hungry, I head over there to nosh on the free food samples. I’m not ashamed to use my McDonald’s app for free fries on Seahawk Blue Fridays.

In fact, like all my fellow fans in Seattle, I wear my Seahawks jersey every Friday during football season. It’s fun being part of that crowd. Last season, I even applied Marshawn Lynch eye black before the big game.

No fancy hotels for me. Nope, I’d look out of place in my t shirt, cheap jeans and sandals without socks, riding those elevators with all the beautiful people. Just leave the light on for me.

Oh, and I’d rather vote for Attila the Hun than Donald Trump. I think my bald head looks a whole lot better than his hair-sprayed topper.

My trusty Subaru Forester with plain cloth upholstery and plastic interior is more than good enough for me. The damn GPS that came with the car drove me nuts until I pulled it out. OK, I do have an iPhone. But I quickly disabled that annoying Siri chick.

When I was in college way back in the 60s, I made fun of my roommate who played country music. But now I love Willie, Patsy and Hank Jr. No glass-breaking arias for me, though Pavarotti’s spaghetti eatin’ music ain’t too bad.

I’m just a simple man who keeps organized the ol’ fashion way, writing in my At-a-Glance daytimer. At just $5.99, my 32 oz. bottle of shampoo lasts the entire year.

The entertainment book I have, with all its two for one deals, comes in mighty handy too. Perfect for my middle class lifestyle.

You’d be amazed how many rewards for free dinners you can accumulate these days at places such as Red Robin, The Keg and Ivar’s. No wonder I was once nicknamed Alan the Eater.

Yep, I can’t complain. To me it feels great to meet the challenges of the middle class as the largest part of that other 99%.